Urban Outfitters-"Hobo Hotel"?

ST. LOUIS- Five very well rested homeless men greeted a surprised and disgusted store manager named Chloe Sun on Monday morning after staying the night in the Urban Outfitters located in the Galleria shopping mall. "I was scared s*%$less, and then I almost vomited because of this horrific stench that was wafting toward me from the register," Sun said. "It was as if someone had shoved a skunk's butt in my face. Blegh!"

The scent was identified as human waste when police officer Bob Roedan stepped in the brown heap directly behind the register. "Yup, that's human s*%#," Roedan said. "Man what did they eat?" When the homeless men were interviewed, only one stood up and claimed responsibility. "We couldn't find a proper toilet and it was just so cold outside, we just dropped our trousers and let nature take its course," Tim Hanes said. "As a shelter you should really offer bathrooms to the residents, it's a common human decency."

Upon further questioning and a look at the security tapes it was clear that the five men had entered the store 30 minutes before closing time at six o'clock Sunday night and had quietly made beds in the southeast corner of the store with floral pillows and quilts found on the shelves. "It looked like a typical (homeless) shelter to me," Rob Thompson, one of the five homeless men, said.  "I've actually seen better ones than this one. I was surprised by the lack of flooring, normally they have decent floors."

"The piles of old and used clothing tipped me off. I thought it was odd to have it in a mall, seemed almost cruel, but nothing else was different," Hanes said.

Sun scoffed when the police told her the homeless men had trespassed because they believed the store to be a homeless shelter. "I don't believe it, this is quality stuff! People pay upwards of $100 on our flirty dresses and hipster-chic shirts," Sun said. As she said this, Thompson picked up a plastic camera displayed around a mannequin's neck that fell apart in his hands. Sun's face reddened. "See! Can't trust them with anything! I'm still convinced they were trying to rob the store so they could have booze money!" Sun said as she snatched at the camera pieces, which seemed to be no more complex than a child's toy.

When this reporter made a small joke about one of Urban Outfitters' featured purses being called a "hobo bag" to police officer Roedan, Sun smacked the notebook and pen I was carrying to the floor and stormed out of the store. Roedan laughed loudly and offered all the homeless men breakfast at a nearby International House of Pancakes before dropping them off at the Salvation Army.