Politician Makes a Bold Move by Promoting a "Family First" Image of Himself

BOSTON- In an unexpected move, Mitt Romney, a candidate for the GOP ticket for the presidency, has released ads promoting himself as a family man, an idea that has bewildered the political arena surrounding Washington D.C. Romney's competitors have expressed great remorse about not having thought of the campaign tool Romney has employed themselves. "I never would have thought to tell people I care about my family, not that I particularly do, but it would have been worth considering taking some photos with my godforsaken husband and devilish children," said Michele Bachmann.

"Why can't it be good campaign strategy to love the ladies? Family first, yadda yadda, everyone knows they like a little honey, I'm just more open about it," said Herman Cain.

When Rick Perry was asked to comment on what he thought of Romney's new campaign strategy he replied between bites of Al's famous ribs, "My focus is on the queers and God's hatred of them. My state appreciates that, and I'm not about changing a horse midstream. Also, I think it's important to say the U-S-of A is the best damned country out there, and we need a president that thinks so. I'm counting on my God-fearing people of the South to support me on these issues and place my rear in the Oval Office." After some moments of pause, Rick Perry wiped Al's famous barbecue sauce from his lips and said, "And Mitt Romney can suck it."

The ads consist of pictures of Romney with his family from many different years and slogans describing Romney as a caring and devoted husband and father. His wife, Ann, has taken a large role in this campaign strategy by describing the "softer side" of Mitt Romney. She describes him as silly and warm hearted and a lot of other words that would normally demean a man in a position of power, but have strangely had a positive effect on Romney's popularity. "I find him to be a much nicer man than any of the other candidates," said 56-year-old Rosamund Yates of Tampa, Florida. "I used to vote democratic, but since he's such a kind person I'm going to vote for him in hopes he makes it to the White House. His wife sure is lucky."

Even men are having similar thoughts about Mr. Romney. "I think a real man is someone who provides for his family, and he seems to do a good job. If he can provide for his family, he can provide for the nation," said 72-year-old Jacob Hill. "He's got my vote now, especially compared to those other hoo-haws running that can't seem to keep it in their pants. Disgraceful," Hill said shaking his head.

The polls show that since his new advertisements about family values were released, Romney has jumped seven percent in polls, which has made the other candidates quiver in their boots. "We have reason to be worried, but damn it if I don't win the presidency just because he's never had the indescribable pleasure of a prostitute's company," said a disgruntled looking Newt Gingrich.