Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Holiday Cheer Coaxes Man Off Ledge

LOS ANGELES- A 56-year-old man climbed to the top of his apartment building in downtown Los Angeles Friday evening after receiving divorce papers from his wife of 32 years.

Rick Fisher stole his building's janitor keys and made his way to the stairwell leading to the locked roof at approximately 6:30 P.M. on Friday immediately after his wife Theresa's lawyer served him with divorce papers. "He looked violently sick all of the sudden," Victor Cosgrove, Theresa Fisher's lawyer said. "I wish he would have ran to the bathroom instead."

"It's not like it was totally out of left field," Theresa Fisher said. "He had it coming after he put up that kitten poster in the den. One word, freak-y."

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, Fisher used the stolen keys to open the door to the roof. He was spotted by pedestrians on the street below who claimed that he immediately ripped his t-shirt off in a "haphazard" way while falling to his knees with a look of "pure agony" on his face. "I thought he had been shot," said Monica Cortez, a pedestrian. "People don't fall over like that without a bullet passing through them."

Fisher was then heard screaming obscenities and crying endlessly. By approximately 6:45 P.M. his actions had drawn a crowd and the authorities had been notified and were waiting on the street at the base of his building. His wife Theresa arrived to try and persuade him to come down by saying that she still loved him, to which he resolutely shouted, "You don't know what love is!"

A stunned crowd expected the worst. "He should have jumped by now, just get it over with so the police can clean up the street before the 9:00 rush comes on tonight," said Tom Roberts, a bystander.

All had almost given up hope of ever retrieving Fisher alive when some Christmas carolers rounded the corner of Park St. and Timber Ave. singing songs of cheer. They started by singing classics such as "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Jingle Bells" before moving on to more contemporary interpretations in the country and rock genres.

"It was as if a cloud opened up and revealed God's sweet glory," Miranda Hayworth, an onlooker said. "With all of the children in cute holiday dresses and Santa sweaters with jingle bells on them. It certainly made me appreciate life more."

Theresa Fisher, who was on top of the building with her husband at the time, noticed a change in his demeanor almost immediately. "I don't know how it happened, but he slowly stood up and started to sing with the carolers. -Out of tune of course, but he didn't give a damn. It was as if he were in a trance. The only time he broke his gaze was when I tried to say something to him. He turned around slowly and said in the sweetest tone to 'put a cork in it'. I didn't care what happened to him after that!"

Fisher slowly but surely made his way to the stairs, (to some applause), and immediately went to his car to go to Home Depot to get "those Christmas lights he had been meaning to put up for over three weeks."

He has been shut in his apartment ever since wrapped in Christmas sweaters that don't match the magnitude of his newfound holiday cheer. Fisher's said to only come out of his residence to purchase more eggnog and donate money to the bell ringers of the Salvation Army.

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