United States- Recent polls show that the average American, "wouldn't do a damn thing for a Klondike bar," an ice cream dessert covered in a hard chocolate shell. The Klondike company has invested millions of dollars in advertising for the dessert, with a jingle asking the viewers what they would do for a Klondike bar, implying that some would do monstrous or extreme acts to have at the treat.
"They're nothing special. Not worth the calories," said yoga instructor Kathy Hamilton. "I'd rather have a rice cake."
Hamilton isn't alone either, in our online questionnaire 200 million people voted. Two of them checked the choice that they would do "ANYTHING" for a Klondike bar, while the overwhelming majority checked, "Ehhhhhhhhhhh.....nah."
"It's ridiculous, you stick a jingle on something and supposedly it's factual," said Christopher Palmer of Los Angeles, California. "But lemme tell you, if one more person makes the joke that they'd kill for one, I'm going to jock some hoes. That's sick, and plain falsehood. No one would ever kill for one of those plain Janes."
In addition to our online questionnaire, our research team knocked on the house of every American with an address in the entire continental United States. Door after door, and the team had the most conclusive results of any survey they've completed: No one likes the damn things.
"It's decent I suppose, but give up another treat in favor...I can't even finish that sentence, it's just not right," said Loretta Taylor of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.
When asked to comment, Klondike said, "We'll try to refocus our campaign to provide a more accurate picture of our product. We wouldn't want to lie to the consumer, now would we?" said a twitchy Head of Marketing, Janis Eckles.
Klondike's creative team is coming up with new slogans such as, "We're the snack you tolerate to death," and "We have excellent packaging, don't you agree?" But Klondike insists that these are just ideas and they're open to new ones, from just about anyone.
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