Easter Bunny Blames Sliding Family Values for His Fledgling Popularity

UNITED STATES- On this Easter in 2013, the Easter Bunny has the lowest believability rate recorded in its history.  Many children still partake in Easter egg hunts, but the only belief the kids have related to the activity is that their parents placed the eggs, and that candy is good. "My mom and dad hide them while we're eating breakfast," said 5-year-old Hannah. "If it takes them longer we're allowed to play with the iPad."

Many families are unwilling to keep the lie going. "It takes too much effort to make them truly believe in something," said mom of four, Susanne Harp. "I believed, and my parents went to great lengths to hide the truth from me. For 30 years they kept this up, I can't see myself lying to my children when they're grown adults." While Harp cites the effort, others say it's anti-Christian to lie to your children. "I will not tell Pagan filth to my children. They are Christian and will believe in only God, not a woodland creature with spirit from the earth," said father of 2, Dan Whigley.

Whatever the reason for the declining popularity of the "Easter Bunny lie", Bunny himself is not amused. "I'm a real person with real feelings," said Bunny. "And they're chalking up my livelihood to a lie. Sure, I don't get around to everyone's houses, I'm not that diabetic fool Santa, but I do make it to most of the houses in the greater Philadelphia area."

Bunny thinks that people should be told of his existence, even if he isn't the one hiding eggs at their particular house, because the tradition stores values into the youth of today. "It teaches them to be patient and seek out their prize, it's not just handed to them like presents at Christmas," said Bunny. "And the magic of the occasion is an exciting part of being a child. I don't want kids to grow up without experiencing wonder and magic." Reports say it also instills the notion that children should eat raw eggs they find because they contain candy, but Bunny said that was natural selection taking place and some deaths are always to be expected.