Friday, March 1, 2013

Friendly Girl with No Enemies Proclaims, "Haters Gonna Hate"

TRENTON, Miss.- Area girl Rebekah Farley, 15, proclaimed in front of her home room class on Monday that "Haters gonna hate," to the skepticism of everyone who has seen Farley close up and from a distance. The 15-year-old has many friends and no known enemies to date. The first and only incident Farley has ever had was in third grade when fellow classmate Janet Nells didn't like that Farley had the same Beauty and the Beast shirt as her. The two only argued for five minutes before they became best friends and shared all of their secrets.

"My presence is upsetting apparently," said Farley. "My parents gave me a stuffed teddy bear instead of a heart shaped necklace this year for Valentine's Day, so I guess you could say they're hating on me." Farley's friends haven't even acknowledged her home room statement, they believe it to be a rumor. "My mind does not put that image together, sorry," said one of her best friends Theresa Gringley. "Rebekah's a walking smiley face. She poops rainbows, do you get the picture or should I keep going?"

Farley's teachers have a similar disbelief that peers and relatives are hating on the 15-year-old. "She's a real bright student, I've always enjoyed her discussion and hard work," said Farley's math teacher Harriet Nancy. "Rebekah is smart, but doesn't make others feel inadequate or stupid. She's no teacher's pet, just an easy going, unicorn loving, girl." Many teachers at her school have said similar comments about Farley's participation in school related activities.

The drama teacher, Darrel Banes who has directed Rebekah in many school plays said, "Rebekah's the sweet middle ground between delinquent thug and brown noser. I'm not supposed to say this, but she's my favorite student."

Despite all of these testimonies to Farley's sweet and loving character, she still claims that haters are hating from some indiscernible distance. "Oh, they're there," said Farley. "Yesterday I ran out of gas on the busiest road in town, and only three people stopped to help me push my car to the gas station. Three people. Last time there were six. It's a sign."

Convinced as she is of this general hatred toward her, Farley's family, friends, and even strangers planned a benefit in her honor to remind her of her popularity and general likable character. Upon entry, Farley burst into tears screaming, "Last year there were balloons! HATERS! All of you!" And then fled the scene.

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