College Students Unsure if They're Happy or Regretting that They Didn't Drink Every Time Biden Laughed

At last night's Vice Presidential debate, Joe Biden colored happy every time the adorable Congressman Ryan attempted to talk about policy or some American he helped once. Many college students around the nation reported making drinking games out of the debates, including games such as "drink every time you see a passive aggressive smile" or "drink every time you feel sad for Lady Liberty", but last night's Vice Presidential debate inspired dilemma in many young voters. "In the first couple minutes I thought the Biden smile would be a perfect thing to drink to, I mean, it's easy to spot even in an inebriated state, and it was just so infectious. The man has perfect teeth to eye ratio."

But as the debate progressed many college students that had decided to play this drinking game regretted their decision. "Murhmph, uhhhh, bllllaaagh," said one University of Alabama student after 30 minutes of the debate. Several others were unconscious after the 30 minute mark when the count of Biden smiles or jovial laughs was lost track of. A record 1227 students across the nation were hospitalized for alcohol related injuries such as alcohol poisoning, believing one could walk on water, challenging a homicidal truck driver to a fight, or having intercourse with a walking cesspool of sexually transmitted diseases. In light of this mass destruction, last night's Vice Presidential debate has been deemed the country's largest public relations disaster for an administration since the photo of Franklin D. Roosevelt picking his nose surfaced in 1944.

The college students that elected to not partake in the drinking game sat back as those around them either jumped off of buildings or slipped disgracefully into sobbing fits of shame. Some of these students were relieved, "I dodged a bullet I think," said sophomore University of Michigan student Elissa Carthidge said. "All of these sane, respectable people I thought I knew were suddenly eating their own vomit, attempting to make love to stray animals, or just plain dying. I don't want to relive prom night."

Others were fully disappointed in themselves for not joining the festivities. "I think I missed out on an essential moment in our country's history," said Dave Riley, a student at the University of Colorado. "If throwing back hard liquor in the name of preserving our fundamental right to disrespect a time-honored tradition in our legal system isn't American, then I don't know what is."