This week's Creatures Spotlight is shone upon creatures of robust douchebaggery. These creatures have no skill set apart from drinking copious amounts of alcohol (without incurring damages to their gelled hair), and procreating to the extremities. If these domesticated creatures were pushed into the wild, they would survive for less than three days without shelter from the elements or a mirror. Their tanned skin is their form of camouflage; it attempts to trick others into believing that they hail from a warmer, sunnier climate, most likely mediterranean or tropical. Most are not deceived by this cloaking and it thus proves itself to be a useless means of protection from predators. This breed of destitute creatures has only survived due to their excellent means of fornication. Despite alcohol poisoning or drug overdose, these creatures have a natural instinct to mount and thrust into the nearest living thing to their barely conscious bodies. This primal urge has saved the species and they enjoy large population growth each year.
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