Area Psychopath Celebrates The Only Month That Makes Him Feel Normal

Springfield, Mo.- The first of October holds a special meaning for Springfield resident Mike Thackley, who self identifies as a psychopath that thirsts for human blood. The month that contains the American holiday Halloween is known for touting goblins and ghouls and all things horror, as well as encouraging children to meet strangers who seduce them with sweets. It's this type of environment that makes Thackley feel right at home.

"I've always loved Halloween and the month of October," said Thackley. "It's the only time of year that I can go out in public with my blood-stained hands and flesh suit and still be treated like a regular human being." Thackley has gone out in public in what he calls his "evening wardrobe" during other months of the year such as April and July, and has always met hostility on these occasions. "I try to get close to people, to revel in their scent, but they always yell and run away. It makes my daily trips to the playground awkward," said Thackley.

To take advantage of his short-lived acceptance, Thackley volunteers to work at the local haunted house as a sickened torturer. "He's the best actor we've ever had," said haunted house owner Timothy Grimm. "He brings his own chainsaw, and always shows up early already in his make up. He must have some kind of spray that smells like the dead for effect because whew! he smells ripe as the Bubonic Plague each shift." Co-workers describe his methods as: "sinister", "satanic", and "vomit-inducing", but they recognize the talent in his craft. "I've always admired the way he wields a scythe," said Freddy Krueger look-alike Damien Harvey. "It's so masterful, I hardly notice the weeping children lying in their own pools of blood."

Thackley likes to go to the movies during the month of October because they are filled with horror films, or what he calls, "autobiographical documentaries." Although he insists that the ones that rely on ghosts and demons are nothing to celebrate. "It's the complete disfiguring of human flesh that gets me going. The fear that is etched in their faces and the utter desperation for their inconsequential lives is pure stiffy-inducement." Thackley insists that even though he enjoys the bravery of these "documentaries" he'd never allow one to be made about himself. "I'm surprised someone consented to be recorded while they were masturbating to their own supremacy. I'm too shy to keep it up for a camera...The pick axe and my dick, that is," said Thackley matter-of-factly.