Hear ye! Hear ye! Oh look! You actually turned your face in my direction! You would think I would tell you something of interest right now, but actually I don't have anything. No seriously, you guys turned to a guy with nothing to say, pretty much ever. What's on my mind? Nothing.
You see, I just like to know I have the power to command your attention when I need to. However, I have not had any reason whatsoever to call upon you subjects to hear me out. I literally can't think of a time when I've had anything of value to contribute. Take this monologue you're listening to right now, you certainly don't have to listen. By listening you are not gaining anything that a non-listener would regret missing. In fact, it could be argued that you are the loser for still sticking around when I'm just rambling about nothing of consequence.
There's still a couple of you raptly paying attention to the nonsense coming out of my mouth, so I'll continue. Current listeners: Was it something I said? Why are you still here? The significance of the utterances I'm spewing are more worthless than your pathetic lives spent listening to this muck. I'm practically insulting you now, as well as myself. If it's at that point I'm going to assume that you still tuning in are not all there. And who needs an audience that can't dissect what's being said? Apparently someone with nothing to say.
